Family · Fun

{30 Things} Day 2

{30 Things} My Sweet Children Should Know About Me

Day 2 – List 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

Fear #1 – Scary Movies.

I remember watching scary movies when I was younger and not thinking much of it {I watched Stephen King’s “IT” before I was 12}. I think this was because I wasn’t really noticing things or processing the story line. The first scary movie that REALLY scared me was “The Others” starring Nicole Kidman. I saw it multiple times and screamed every time. Then I would think about it later and be completely scared!! No matter where I was or what I was doing. If it was in the middle of the day with the sun shining and I pictured any part of the movie, my heart would start racing and I would feel so nervous. During that same time period I saw “The Ring” and a few other scary movies. And those terrible feelings kept coming any time I would think about the movies or something would remind me of them. Since then I CANNOT handle scary movies. Even the PREVIEWS for them. I hide my eyes and plug my ears.

Fear #2 – Rejection.

I’m not sure what initially created this fear in me. I haven’t experienced a lot of rejection in my life. But anytime I meet someone new, try something new, or move out of my comfort zone I FEAR not being accepted.  I’m not sure why the idea of being rejected is so scary to me. My identity is made up of so many special and spiritual things that I feel like if I’m rejected, they are also rejecting those things as well {i.e. my family, my testimony, my education, my idea of fun, etc.}.

Fear #3 – Death…kind of.

This fear can keep me up at night in tears if I dwell on it too long.  I’m not scared of dying, because I know God’s plan for us.  The part of death I’m fearful of is what I’ll miss out on. Especially if I die before my sweet babies are grown.  I remember one night imagining if I fell asleep and never woke up…my sweet {E} wouldn’t remember me.  She’d have a different Mom. I who carried her, birthed her, LOVED her…wouldn’t be a real part of her life. I LOST IT. I was sobbing and sobbing and John had to wake up and try to make sense of his crazy wife’s irrational state.  I also fear my sweetheart or beautiful babies dying before they are 100 years old. I can’t stand to imagine  {E} not getting to go to school, get married, have her own babies, and make a difference in the world.

BONUS! One Fear I Have Overcome

Spiders

I used to be TERRIFIED of spiders {any kind}. If there was one in my room I would run out and not return until it had been found and killed {the worst was when I found one in our Barbie drawer…all tangled in the golden locks of Teacher Barbie}. This fear continued until I was working at a Credit Union that was located in an Industrial Park. One day, a man came in and as he was walking towards the teller line he said, “Hey! You’ve got a big spider out here. Do you want me to kill it?” All of us girls were like, “Uhhhh…YES!” So he stomped on it in the middle of the lobby and when he lifted his foot, there lie a larger spider carcass and THOUSANDS of tiny baby spiders running all over!!!  This even freaked HIM out! We were all shouting “BABY SPIDERS!!!!!!!” We were finding them EVERYWHERE for days {on the floor, on the walls, in drawers, in our shoes, etc.}. I got so good at spotting and killing them that they weren’t so scary anymore.

 

{30 Things} Day 1

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